Jag XF is ugly!

why is everyone making such a big deal of the new Jaguar XF? using superlatives like stunning. I mean it might be a great car underneath and it might even be something that no Jaguar has ever been before ... RELIABLE ... but sytling just doesn't say exclusive. take your Rule Brittania rose coloured glasses off and what you have is the lovechild of a Hyundai Sonata and Lexus GS.

if you ever have a screaming kid locked in the car

Some mates of mine are here from overseas at the moment. Unfortunately not for a holiday but somewhat unpleasant business. To make things worse, the other night one of them calls up pretty frantic. He had somehow locked his kid in the car. you can imagine the situation. hysterical kid, frazzled parent.
So I had to call the RAC for him. Now here's the good news.
The good folk at the RAC have a policy where if there's a child stuck in a car, their closest driver will drop whatever they're doing and attended to you first. You don't even have to be a member and they don't charge anything!
So the RAC-dude came to the rescue and saved the day. However the kid is still traumatised by the experience but that's the dad's fault. We've all vowed an oath of silence not to let the mum know this event ever happened.

Facebook ban

I must be the most unpopular guy in the office at the moment. I've just gone and banned facebook.
don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of facebook. I love its interface and all the cool add ons. I've been having a blast since I joined a month ago and have been reunited with guys I haven't heard from for 20 years. Its highly entertaining and addictive, and thats where the problem lies.
I just can't have staff mucking around on facebook and checking their friends messages and statuses every 10 minutes and not doing work. Its distracting and highly unproductive. Part of the blocking of the website is to stop myself from being distracted too.
As I said before, I think its great, I'll still check it at home in my own time, just not on company time.
sigh now back to work.

Name it.....McMonster, McCardiac

"Eight all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun."

Its been a while since I last had Maccas but lately i've been bombarded by advertising for a campaign to name a new burger at Maccas and now from the McPeople who bought you Son of Mac is the mutha of all Big Macs.

If Morgan Spurlock had had a few of these during the making of "Super Size Me" I don't think he would have been able to last the 30 days nor would the girlfriend be only complaining about lost of sex drive. I guess its a bit harder to perform when you're dead!

P.s. please note that the folks here at "Wheel the Big Cannon" in no way condone the consumption of this burger and indemnify ourselves from future legal actions (i.e. you can't sue us if after reading about the monster burger here you decide to stupidly go and have one and end up keeling over)

This article was taken from www.news.com.au

MONSTER-SIZED McDonald's hamburgers stuffed with up to eight meat patties and nine slices of cheese have been slammed as "a heart attack waiting to happen".

Some of the fast-food chains sell super-sized Quarter Pounders, which contain about 220g of fat and 11,500kJ each, on request.

The "double pounder" is the equivalent of more than three days' worth of fat for a grown man - or almost five Pizza Hut deep-pan Hawaiian pizzas or 45 Tim Tams.

At about $18, it is not listed on the menu, nor under nutritional information.

It has developed a cult following as a challenge for teenagers, after a video was posted online of a 17-year-old boy ploughing his way through the burger at a McDonald's restaurant.

Rival chain Hungry Jacks is also allowing customers to order mega-burgers under its Have It Your Way ordering system.

Nutrition Australia senior nutritionist Aloysa Hourigan described the double pounder as "obscene" and a "heart attack waiting to happen".

Meet George Jetson......

As interesting and informative as it is being able to recognise when you have explosive diarrhea some of us know their poo already! =) Here's an article I came across the other day that triggered up childhood memories of The Jetsons AND how cool it would be flying around in a spaceship. Now thanks to Dr Moller, it can be yours for a princely sum of A$146,000 (possibly including GST)....unless of course he receives a visit from GM heavies and gets knee-capped...lets hope not!

A famous saying from Henry Ford, the man who revolutionized transport, was "Any customer can have a car painted any colour that he wants so long as it is black". Perhaps Dr Moller can adapt this to "Any customer can have a flying pod painted any colour that he wants so long as it is silver". Feel free to use that Dr Moller....that one's on the house!

This is an article from www.news.com.au

US company Moller International has put a flying saucer into production that looks remarkably like George's perspex topped transportation.

Flying pod lifts off - three metres above ground

The personal flying pod, called the M200G Volantor, can glide three metres off the ground and carry two passengers.

The M200G is the size of a small car and takes off and lands vertically.

Video: See the M200G volantor fly »

Company founder Dr Paul Moller said the craft was "the ultimate off-road vehicle" because it can travel over any surface.

"It's not a hovercraft, although its operation is just as easy. You can speed over rocks, swampland, fences, or log-infested waterways with ease because you're not limited by the surface."

The flying saucer is governed by computers to fly at a maximum altitude of three metres so that it doesn't require registration as an aircraft.

That enables it to sit on a cushion of air and travel at 80kph in any direction.

Flying saucer may have military uses

Other versions are being developed to dock with skyscrapers for rescues and for military use.

The craft are powered by eight rotary engines, each driving an enclosed fan to produce lift.

It can still hover if one engine fails while a second failure "will lead to a survivable hard landing."

Moller, which has been researching a variety of flying cars since the 1960s, is expecting the M200G to be available to buy from next year.

With only two simple hand operated controls, the craft will present a licensing and registration quandary for authorities because it doesn't actually travel on roads but is not an aircraft.

Initially, the flying saucer will cost around $146,000 but the price might fall further with mass production.

Talking sh*t

no seriously. this blog is about shit, so don't read this during your lunch break. hence it will be in various shades of brown
I've been accused of talking a lot of shit in my life but during a recent conversation with a few doctor mates of mine, they pointed out that no talk about shit is complete without talking about the Bristol stool form scale. what is that you may ask (too late, you can't run now!). well its everything you wanted to know about shit and then some. see picture. It helps our medical professionals identify what item of the hospital food menu your faeces most imitates. Then the orderlies can correctly sort and recycle them back into the food chain no doubt. Other uses? ermmm they didn't mention any.
The fact that it compares your poo to various food items i highly disturbing. especially if you're a patient as these items are highly likely to be served up on the menu. puts a whole new light to hospital food is shit. The other disturbing thing is how respected researcher could dedicate decades of their productive life producing it.
I'm feeling kinda smug and highly achieved because I can manage to conjure up any form on the scale.

Second Dump
You can lure people with honey, you can even lure people with a carrot but few will be lured by shit dangling from a stick. So WTF was the government thinking by trying to "entice" school leavers to do their Gap Year in the army???
I personally would have loved to have done a gap year. Taking a year off after completing high school to travel would definitely have helped me mature and figure out what the heck I wanted to do for the rest of my life. However by far the biggest drawcard would be the travel and unsupervised fun. I seriously don't see the fun factor in joining the army and even if you get to travel, you're not going to be able to decide where you go and lets face it, the destinations are unlikely to be holiday party towns.
Now its a pretty difficult choice. Do you
A) Spend a year getting pissed, partying, and making out with the locals in exotic locations
B) Spend a year doing push-ups, getting yelled at by a drill sergeant, and getting shot at by pissed off locals.
Anyone who chooses option B deserves to, well be forced to do option B.

Three times a charm
keeping with the shit theme. I'd like to complain that the last 24hrs have been frankly shit.

1. my client is grumpy through no fault of mine but is taking it out on my team.
   
2. I broke my umbrella
3. I got super glue all over my hands trying to fix the umbrella.

So shit really does occur in threes.